Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
