Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
