was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
