Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
