fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
