we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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