What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
