My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
