So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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