What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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