guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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