Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
