There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
