Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
