Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
