I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My vagina just clenched in fear
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
