this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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