Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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