if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
