HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
