i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
