He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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