Cold hands, warm shart.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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