Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
