she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
