You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
