you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
