Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
