its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
