i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
