I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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