dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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