We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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