I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
