i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
