Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
