Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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