Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
