i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize