Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
