my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
cat food counts as protein by the way
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
