My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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