Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
