He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
