I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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