i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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