the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
