you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
