You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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