I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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