i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
