We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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