what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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